Since When is Being Feminine a Bad Thing?

lips3My goodness gracious me.  I’ve just read a news article expressing all kinds of outrage over another news article, written by a Turkish journalist, lamenting his belief that “Womanhood is Dying,” at Olympics as he apparently expressed his dismay at just how masculine women athletes have apparently become.

Now granted, I didn’t read the original article, but the article I did read made it quite clear that the masses were ready to run the man out of town on a rail, if not lynch him from the highest tree. But what really bothers me isn’t what the Turkish journalist wrote, it’s all the angry backlash against him for writing it in the first place.  Apparently there’s something wrong with being feminine.

I admit I’ve never been in crisis about my gender and I’ve never wanted to be a man.  I like wearing dresses and high heels. I like wearing makeup and having my hair and nails done.  I like it when a man acts like a gentleman and opens the door for me.  So why is this wrong?  Is this the new taboo? Is this a sign of weakness?

Well, all I can say is the female characters in my books are all feminine, but none are weak.  In fact, I’ve gone out of my way to write them as good, feminine role models.  All have achieved professional success, but none are man-haters or ball-busters.  One of my female characters survives a near drowning. Another survives a gunshot wound–while she’s pregnant.  These are not weak women, however they are not wanna be men, nor do they act like men.  They love and respect the men in their lives, yet they do not allow their men to dominate them, nor do they lead their men around by their noses.  All I can say is that like me, they are not in crisis over their genders.

Women are resilient.  After all, we’re the ones who have the babies.  It’s too bad everyone else has their undies in a knot over one journalist expressing his opinion.  But as I said, what really bothers me is that deep down, there is now, apparently, something wrong with wanting to be feminine, and I resent a society that wants to force me to become a man.  I’m a woman. I’m damn proud of being a woman, and I will continue to create strong, feminine characters in my novels.

My thought for the day.


The Two Kinds of Other Women

My inspiration for The Deceptionlips3 began a few years ago when, while blog surfing one night, I happened upon a blog by a psychic reader talking about the questions most often asked by clients.  One of the questions jumped out at me.  It was, “When will he leave his wife for me?”  Needless to say that post had a lot of comments, and I noticed a trend. It seemed that everyone believed the “other woman” knew he was married, and she’s lying if she says she didn’t know.

I may not have the credentials to be a relationship expert, but as a romance writer, and as someone who’s been single for most of my adult life, I can attest to the fact that if experience is the best teacher, then I must be a relationship expect many times over.  That said, it’s been my life observation that there are actually two kinds of other women out there.  One is the aforementioned mistress, like Rielle Hunter, who knew from the get-go he was married, but chose to get involved with him anyway.  The other is a good woman who’s been deceived.  I’m here to talk about the latter.

Typically these are single women, looking for a meaningful long-term relationship, or marriage, and they meet a seemingly nice man who, for all intents and purposes, appears to be single.  He’s not wearing a wedding ring, he’s not mentioning a wife or girlfriend, and, in some cases, a mutual friend also thought he was single.  Then later on, after she’s become seriously involved, she’ll find out he’s married.  She will feel just as shocked and betrayed as the wife who’s been cheated on, only she gets a double whammy.  People will side with the wife, as she is an injured party, but, just like in that psychic’s blog, they’ll condemn her and say she’s lying when she says she thought he was single.

This can be very devastating.  At best she’s been made to feel like a fool. She’s accused of setting out to intentionally hurt the wife when she didn’t know that there was a wife.  The experience can do untold damage her self-esteem. At worst she’s been so manipulated that she’ll believe he really will leave his wife for her–someday.  Sometimes they do. However, it’s been my observation that most of these guys are, in fact, players.  They want to have their fun, but they have no intention of ever leaving their wives.  After all, the wife is their safety net in case the other woman wants to get serious.

 The Deception is the story of a good woman who meets up with such a player.  He comes into her life at a time when she’s emotionally vulnerable, and he intentionally leads her to believe that he’s single. It doesn’t take long, however, for her to realize something’s just not adding up. Unfortunately for her, by the time she ends the relationship the damage has been done and she’s left to deal with the unintended consequences.  While my story may be fiction, I’m sorry to say that real-life versions of it happen everyday. The point I’m making with this book is to not to judge others too harshly.  Sometimes people simply aren’t who they appear to be.